April Fool's Day

April Fool's Day


April Fool’s Day originates from Germany. It is believed to be the brain child of Gabriel Hoffman who lived in Damstadt during the 1860’s. The day is celebrated in many countries with the execution of elaborate practical jokes on unsuspecting victims. April 1st is the accepted date for April Fool’s Day when both simple and very sophisticated jokes are known to catch out the unwary or the gullible.

There is evidence of a similar day in the Gregorian calendar of 1582 and even as far back as ancient Rome when the practice would have been observed on New Years Day. Originally April Fool’s Day jokes typically would have involved sending a person on a ridiculous errand. A builders merchant might send an apprentice to obtain some sky hooks or a long wait ( weight ) and embarrass them after a period of time with the utterance of the words April Fool.

It is tradition for the jokes or pranks to end by noon. Carrying out an April Fool’s Day joke on someone after this time is said to bring bad luck. Over the years there have been some very elaborate hoaxes even by large TV corporations. The BBC managed to convince its audience in 1957 that Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. They showed footage of spaghetti growing on trees and were inundated with calls from the general public asking for advice on growing spaghetti. The BBC even had the audacity to suggest placing a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce to assist its growth.

April 1st is not an officially recognised holiday or event but it is practised regularly in the UK. Prince Charles has been reported to have enjoyed April 1st when until as recently as 2003 he would cause havoc at Buckingham Palace where his favourite trick was to place a whoopee cushion under the bottoms of Royalty, including his mothers – Queen Elizabeth!

There have been many hoaxes



and some famous mistakes by media corporations in reporting stories in error. There are also several April Fool’s Day spoofs on the internet. Sometimes these seemingly innocent pranks can cause financial damage or panic when things are taken too far.

In Birmingham on April 1st 1986, a group of students became convinced that the Black plague had returned to the city. Such was the level of confusion and clever manipulation of a drama class and its students, that hospitals in the city were put on full alert and 900 students were sent home by the governor. The full scale of the hoax was not revealed until the following day when embarrassed school committee members faced the media and issued an apology to parents.

In 2001 Birmingham Council became embroiled in an April Fool’s Day conspiracy involving Pebble Mill on the Bristol Road. They received what they thought was official notification from the BBC of severe structural damage to the BBC building, caused they were informed by a severe earth tremor. The council acted swiftly and informed the BBC that it had secured space in the Mailbox for all of the BBC staff and studio teams. This particular hoax was only discovered on the day of the move when Birmingham County Council received a fax message which simply read ‘ April Fools’ and was accompanied by a fax message of the original notification. Michael Johnson, Assistant Director was questioned by Channel 4 in an embarrassing fiasco where Johnson looked bewildered and confused and clearly had no knowledge of events leading to the change of location of the BBC headquarters in Birmingham.

April Fool’s Day is illegal in the Peoples Republic of China, Venezuela, Trinidad and Tobago, Alaska, Cuba and Bolivia.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (NY)


BROOKLYN, NY - It was discovered, last Monday, that a tree has
grown in Brooklyn, NY. Amazed residents stared dumbfounded at
the three-year-old sapling. Two girls discovered the North
American Honey Birch (Honeyus Bircheus) on the way to school.



"At first I thought, like, it was just a tall weed," Melissa
Hanes, 15, said, "then I, like, looked closer and I realized it
looked kinda, like, similar to a tree." She explained they had
just learnt about trees in social studies class. They were
learning about different aspects of other cultures.



Her classmate, and fellow discoverer, Jessica Pone, 15,
observed, "When Mrs.Salisky spoke about these really tall plants
nobody believed her. We all thought it was a joke, like if she
had said that, like, all GAP stores were closing down. It was
just that unbelievable!"



They called the New York City Park's Department. The whole
department came down to marvel at the



site.



"Sure we've seen trees in Queens and Staten Island, but in
Brooklyn?" exclaimed Richard Seer, deputy commissioner of the
Park's Department. "We are petitioning that the site be declared
a historical landmark." Although this is generally given to
historically significant sites, he believes that City Hall will
overlook that requirement for this special discovery. Copyright
2005 Cy Yablonsky. Cy Yablonsky is an Associate Realtor with
Othello Realty, you can visit Othello Realty at
http://www.OthelloRealty.com. Feel free to reprint this article
but you must include this paragraph and all links must be live
and working, no changes can be made.

A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes



Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?



A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.



Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?



A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.



Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?



A: To practice.



Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?



A: Your Honor.



Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?



A: The lawyer charges more.



Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?



A: The caterer.



Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?



A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.



Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?



A: An offer you can't understand.



Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?



A: Senator



Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?



A: It comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.



Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?



A: Jewelry.



Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?



A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.



Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?



A: At least accountants know they’re boring.



Stories:



1. A man who had been



caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.



2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."



3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"



4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone."



And finally:



You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone to read these jokes.

50 Things to do to your Boss that are Fun for you, but not for them

1. You’re eavesdropping and you hear your boss has reservations at his favorite restaurant. You know, the one you can’t afford. Call them back and cancel his reservations – say you’re his wife.

2. Have a friend of yours make an anonymous call to your boss saying that they know what he has been up to, possess incriminating pictures, and hang up. It will scare the bejesus out of him.

3. Put chocolate ex-lax in your manager’s chocolate licorice. Not only will you feel better, it may wipe that constipated look off of his face too.

4. Call the local Mormon or Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints church and ask that they visit your house soon, only give them your manager’s home address.

5. Every time your boss asks you a question, just look at him and say “interesting” and go back to what you were working on.

6. Take your eyeliner and smears it in his chair when he’s not looking. His wife will feel needed when she has to heartily scrub and wash his pants.

7. Turn the pictures on his desk upside down and act overly sweet and innocent when he asks if you know why they are like that.

8. When your boss goes to the bathroom, turn his computer off. When he asks you if you know what happened, say that you don’t and it must have just crashed or something. Smile like the Cheshire cat.

9. Enlist a friend to deliver papers appearing to be legal documents that insinuate he is being sued for 4 million dollars. Put word “joke” on the last page of the 20-page document. It will be fun to watch beads of sweat form on his brow.

10. Remove all toilet paper from the men’s bathroom and put it in the women’s. Shake your head in disapproval of the janitorial help in your office when your boss complains about it.

11. Put your boss on all of the mailing lists of his most detested organizations and clubs. When he asks you to call and have them remove him from the lists, say of course, and never do it.

12. Replace the vodka in the liquor cabinet with water. You’re doing him a favor, really you are. When he comments that his vodka tastes like water, respond smartly by saying that it appears that just about everyone is cutting corners these days.

13. When he comments that the coffee is too weak or too strong, ask, in a serious tone, if he is sure that his taste buds haven’t changed.

14. When your boss mentions a particular food that he does not like, purchase that item repeatedly and eat it in front of him. Put your garbage from that food into his garbage can, so that the smell will linger in his office.

15. When you arrive late, move all clocks back. When you want to leave early, move all clocks forward. Pretend that all the batteries need to be replaced.

16. When your boss inquires about your weekend, say you went sky diving and to Italy. He will hopefully get your sarcasm and not ask again.

17. When your manager inquires as to what your favorite TV show is, reply that it is a child’s show like Sesame Street. Say it like you mean it.

18. Out of the blue, say you have an emergency appointment with your astrologer and it is important that you leave now because your charts are waiting!

19. For your manager’s birthday, hire a palm reader to read your manager’s palm. Pay them an extra $50 to say “Oh My” in the middle of the reading and not be able to continue.

20. Grind up leaves from your backyard that look like pot, put into a baggie, and send it to your boss. Stand there while he opens it and gasp when the contents are revealed. Say “it is none of my business” and walk out of the room.

21. Call the fire department and pretend you are in the office next door to yours and exclaim there is a massive inferno in the building next to yours. It is guaranteed to raise your manager’s blood pressure a few points or more when the firemen arrive.

22. Time your manager when he goes out to run personal errands and comment that he took an exceptionally long break when he returns.

23. Run into the office exclaiming to your manager that his car has a huge dent in the side! Walk outside with him when he goes out to examine it. After he looks it over thoroughly and asks you what you saw because he can’t see it, apologize that it must have just been the way the light was reflecting on it that made it appear that way.

24. Exclaim how sorry you are that your manager’s grandmother died over the weekend and that you read about it in the obituaries. Declare that it must have been somebody with the same name when he says he has no idea what you are talking about and begins frantically dialing his grandmother.

25. Superglue two middle pages of your manager’s favorite book and return to the shelf. He will find it after the glue has permanently set.

26. When you are simply not in the mood to get out of your chair, proclaim that the copier is broken when your boss asks for copies to be made. If your manager attempts to make


copies on his own and exclaims it works just fine, jam a paper clip in the innards of the copy machine when nobody is looking.

27. When your boss asks you what you would like for secretaries’ day, first of all, reply that you are not a secretary. Request that he answers the phone on that day as well as having all of your whims fulfilled that are of inconceivable proportions.

28. Using desktop publishing, relabel a can of bug spray as vanilla air freshener and place in men’s bathroom.

29. Call in sick and leave a message on the company’s voice mail. State that you are ill due to the overwhelming imbalance of wealth and power within the company’s structure and your illness should subside once you are paid what you are worth.

30. When your boss asks for a donation to his son’s little league fund, ask what the minimum amount is that you can donate in order to keep your job.

31. When your boss invites you to the company Christmas party, matter-of-factly state that you’d prefer to spend it with rabid dogs and wild monkeys, but proclaim your sincere thanks just the same.

32. Stockpile in your office your manager’s favorite type of pen so that he is constantly bewildered as to where they are disappearing and continues to order new boxes of pens repeatedly.

33. During your yearly review, exclaim that you would just like to discuss your raise and not your manager’s suggestions or comments. Also, add that you do have a list of improvements for him that you’d like to share.

34. Find boss’s buttons and push them. If it is his weight, ask if he has gained weight or do those clothes just make him look fat?

35. Announce at the next company birthday (cake eating in the lunchroom) that the boss is giving everyone a 10% raise. When your manager pulls you into his office to discuss this, say that he sure is losing his sense of humor in his old age.

36. Stack all incoming unwanted sales related faxes and printed e-mails on your manager’s desk and connect all sales related calls to him, especially the stock brokers. When your manager comments that he would like you to screen all sales related material and calls, comment that you thought he was open to new ideas and new people and didn’t realize he was so introverted.

37. After next company announcement of a marriage or pregnancy, proclaim that you are getting married and having a child, but not necessarily in that order.

38. When company phone bill gets passed around asking you to highlight your personal calls, always state that you would never do that and never highlight anything. Say your family and friends all reside in Tasmania.

39. As soon as your boss returns from a vacation, ask where he went and always state that you vacationed there a few years ago and how fantastic it was.

40. Five minutes into the weekly company meeting, excuse yourself to go to the restroom and return twenty minutes later when it is wrapping up.

41. When the boss is out of town, forward the phones to your house and take a nap. Run back to the office if something needs to be done.

42. Position a cup of coffee on your manager’s desk so that when he sits down, you can pretend to fumble for papers on his desk and easily knock it onto his lap. State that you hope it isn’t hot and that no third degree burns are inflicted.

43. If you are single, place your grandmother’s antique diamond ring on your married finger on the left hand. When boss asks you if anything new has happened to you recently after he clearly notices your ring, state nonchalantly “no, not really.” If you are married, remove your wedding ring and state the same answer when asked the same question.

44. On casual dress day, wear a bathing suit top and the shortest shorts that you own. When you are called into your boss’s office to discuss this, ask for a list that defines the parameters of the casual dress day code.

45. Circulate an anonymous memo that this coming Friday is fetish day so dress appropriately. Add that a $100 prize will be awarded to the freakiest costume.

46. After your boss gives you an overwhelmingly long list of items for you to complete, ask if he’d like for you to wipe his ass as well.

47. Take items out of your manager’s sack lunch. When he comments on this phenomenon, reply that society is degenerating at an unbelievable rate.

48. When you manager asks you how your day is going, be honest. Say, well, if people that worked for this company weren’t so dysfunctional and psychotic, it might be a marginally average place of employment.

49. When your boss says “good morning”, quickly reply, “Oh is it?”

50. Once a week, send an anonymous email to your boss that is spiteful in nature. To kick it off, the first one should simply read, “you are pond scum.”